In many instances, we might even be right and patients also feel that things are sorted. However, this is not so in certain situations, for example after a miscarriage.
The diagnosis of miscarriage and going through the process of completion, either by surgical or medical means is only the beginning of this heartbreaking and distressing situation for a woman.
I speak from personal experience.
It is unfortunate that everyone around you including your loved ones and your doctor give your the feeling that now the process is complete you should start looking forward and get over it.
Somehow, for others, miscarriage doesn't seem to have the same significance as a woman losing a baby at 8 months pregnancy or during delivery.
It seems to fade out very quickly in the minds of people around you because it was only few weeks in early pregnancy.
What these people do not realize is, that the day a woman finds out that she is pregnant, she has already visualized a new born baby in her arms. That is how strong the bonding is. So the grief that she feels is not proportionate to the number of weeks of her pregnancy.
It is important that her family and friends realize this and be the support that she needs for that amount of time she needs it. This applies to us doctors as well.
In this context, these are some of the questions asked by my patients and I would like to share the advise I have been giving them.
1. Why did this happen?
The commonest reason for a miscarriage in the first three months is genetic abnormality of the baby. Miscarriage is nature's way of discarding a pregnancy which might not be compatible with life.
This was one of the reasons, in the good old days, they would not disclose the pregnancy until after 12 weeks.
However, the reasons for miscarriage after 12 weeks are different. It can be due to infection, genital tract abnormalities, weak cervix or immune system problems.
However, 'after 12 week miscarriages' are uncommon (80% occur before 12 weeks ). So, I am discussing mainly the miscarriages which happen before 12 weeks here.
2. Is it because there is some genetic problem with me or my partner? Should we get tested?
Not really. One off miscarriage is not an uncommon occurrence (10-15%). This can happen without any reason.
We do parental genetic testing for repeated miscarriages. Even then, it is only a rare possibility that a parental genetic abnormality causes miscarriage.
3. Did I do anything wrong? Should I have been more careful?
Definitely not. It is not your fault.
As said before, majority of these miscarriages are due to genetic fault in the pregnancy itself and not because of anything you did or did not do.
So please do not blame yourself.
4. Will my next pregnancy be alright? Will I have a miscarriage again?
By Gods grace, your next pregnancy should be perfectly fine as the chance of repeat miscarriage is very low.
5. When can I try for pregnancy again?
From a medical point of view, we advise you to wait for one normal period after a miscarriage which should be anywhere between 2 to 6 weeks.
However, from an emotional point of view, this varies from person to person.
Some feel that they are not ready to cope with the stress of another pregnancy and uncertainty and the fear of repeat miscarriage for a while.
On the other hand, some might want to try as soon as possible, because they feel that getting pregnant is the only way to erase this bad experience.
Good luck for your next pregnancy
Hope this has answered some of your queries. You are welcome to post any other questions you have and I will be more than happy to expand this post.
Dr. Usha Kiran FRCOG
Consultant Obstetrician and Gynaecologist
Specialises in Minimal Access surgery/Urogynaecology/High Risk Obstetrics
Prime Hospital
Airport Road, Al Garhoud
Dubai
whatsapp no 00917208012411
Blog: drushakiran.blogspot.ae
You Tube channel: Dr Usha Kiran
Rightly said....the stress of a miscarriage is underestimated in the society
ReplyDeleteRightly said....the stress of a miscarriage is underestimated in the society
ReplyDeleteI so much agree with you when you say that at such times letting to grive and support of family and friends is so much important but people expect you to just let go and forget all those weeks at one go..People do not realize that the day a woman finds out that she is pregnant, she has already visualized a new born baby in her arms. That is how strong the bonding is. So the grief that she feels is not proportionate to the number of weeks of her pregnancy. It is very very very important that family and friends realise this and be there for the person who goes thru' this and be the support for her for the amount of time she needs. People around her need to understand grieving doesn't have to have an end. "You never get over the loss of a child but you can come to terms with it." - Neelam Naik
ReplyDeleteI agree neelam u can never get over the grief of losing a baby.
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